First of all, I would like to dedicate this post to my best friend in the entire world, Barry MollyWhompin Davis.
The above is the furthest thing from the truth and the rest of this post will explain why. Welcome to the post-draft report of The League of Ordinary Gentlemen, otherwise known as my co-author’s fantasy league. It’s not my favorite league because its not PPR (You down with PPR?) but it has some good guys in it so I help the cause and gave my 20 bucks to play in it this year. The team names are as follows; Corn on the Schaub (Stanton), CAN’T WAIT (myself), Locked Out (Patrick O’Neill), Mc Seahawks?!!? (CJ Bollinger), Team Allan Quartermain (Caleb Hupp), Runnin’ Train (Tyler Propst), Mac and Steez (Michael “Omegle” Hatcher), Team Mezs (Michael Mezs), Team FBGM (Dennis Leigh), and finally Team PoopMouth…I mean Team MollyWhompin (Barry Davis). A cast of characters better than the one Martin Scorsese put together in The Departed.
This post will break down the major highlights of the draft, and a quick ranking of the teams in the league. 1 being the favorite to win it all, 10 being Barry Davis’ team. Boom.
The draft kicked off at 5:30 PM sharp and I pulled up to my laptop with a Mikes Hard in hand, with myself at the 8th pick, I was hoping the 7 idiots in front of me would mess up and I could end up with Jamaal Charles. Stanton picked Adrian Peterson #1 overall and all was going well for me to get Charles until Mac and Steez stepped up to the plate at pick 7. At this time the ESPN draft chat box was going full force, and I had an “I JUST WON THE LEAGUE YOU BUNCH OF TRICKS!” message all cued up and ready to go, assuming Mac and Steez would leave Charles untouched. Instead, and what would be a recurring theme, Hatcher stole him from my grasp. So instead of the above message, an expletive laced tirade was launched into our draft chat box. I ended up with Ray Rice, a guy I really like especially with Willis McStealPoints gone from Baltimore. But he’s no Jamaal Charles.
The wheel of the draft turned around and I snagged Roddy White, about as solid a bet at WR as the bet that someone will kill the Black Eyed Peas fairly soon. We can only hope right? Anyways, Corn on the Schaub came around strong at the other wheel and took both Hakeem Nicks and Darren McFadden. Just some tremendous players. Mac and Steez was back at it again in the third round when they swaggerjacked Mike Wallace and his frohawk right from my hands and I had to take Peyton Manning and his neck problems. I’ll tell you what his neck’s biggest problem is. Holding up that enormous head that Peyton Manning has. I usually don’t like taking Quarterbacks early but I hated the WR’s after Wallace and all the RB’s there. But its whatever he’ll put up 4,500 yards again and I’ll smile about it in the playoffs.
The 4th round went on and I took Ahmad Bradshaw over LeGarrette Blount, whom Runnin’ Train picked up later that round. A move I lost a little bit of sleep over to be honest. Couple thoughts on Blount. 1) Yes, he went to Oregon and I hate Oregon 2) He was only there a full year and three games, and in that time decked a Boise State player, and I hate Boise State 3) He is damn good as a roadgrating back and I figure him to increase his reception numbers from a year ago. But I think the Giants, like everyone who has ever owned him, hate Brandon Jacobs and will give Bradshaw the carries he deserves. To complete the first five rounds I picked up Stevie Johnson, WR, Bills. A guy that I routinely give crap to on Twitter for this.
For the sake of the reader, I won’t detail any more of my picks but I will show you my starting lineup for Week 1.
QB-Peyton Manning (or Cassel is Manning’s forehead weight is too much to overcome)
RB-Ray Rice, Ahmad Bradshaw
WR-Roddy White, Stevie Johnson
TE-Brandon “Peter” Pettigrew
DST-New England Patriots
K- Rob Bironas
RB-Adrian Peterson, Darren McFadden,
WR-Hakeem Nicks, Dwayne Bowe
And now for the fun part. The moment in the draft that spawned me an eternal rival. The MollyWhomper. I think it was round eight if my memory serves me right. I had been serving up some quality punchlines in the draft chat box. At least I thought so. I mean some good zingers. Then, out of nowhere, like a cobra in the desert, Team MollyWhompin, who hadn’t said a word the entire draft says, and I quote:
“this is the only thing I will ever say in the chat box…brandon…shut…the #%@& up”
I was speechless. I was Taylor Swift, and this was my Kanye West moment. According to the Method to the Madness post, we are gentlemen on this site. So I held back. Kind of. I won’t get in to what I said in return but the comment began a thematic debate in my head. Is “shut up” the proper way to tell someone to stop typing? Its up there with Do Octopi have legs or arms? Do you wear a condom or do you use a condom? Does my Kindergarten girlfriend still think about me at night? Questions that govern the laws of space and time to be sure.
But the draft concluded, no one died, except the chances of Team MollyWhompin, Mc Seahawks ?!!?, and Team Allan Quartermain (although he has the best logo) to win the league. Should be a fun year and we will keep you posted through the blog on the standings.
Without further ado, the Post Draft Rankings for the League of Ordinary Gentlemen.
10. Team MollyWhompin
RB’s are too terrible to overcome
9. Mc Seahawks ?!!?
“Team Explosive” really is nothing special on paper
8. Team Allan Quartermain
Even Indiana Jones’ dad knows Frank Gore is going to get hurt.
7. Locked Out
Never good when your starting WR’s age is combined to be over 60.
6. Team Mezs
Even if Chris Johnson plays a full 16, this team is too much of a Mezs. Punny.
5. Mac and Steez
Despite taking half of the guys I wanted, having Ryan Matthews on a team is too much to come back from.
4. Team FBGM
If Antonio Gates stops pussyfooting around (literally) FBGM could contend this year.
3. CAN’T WAIT
Bart Scott can’t play every position sadly. But this ranking is on modesty alone. Really, I’m more like #1.
2. Runnin’ Train
Very solid team, but Arian Foster’s injury is scary.
1. Corn on the Schaub
The commish had a very good draft and will be tough to beat this year. Hopefully he buys the next round of Pancake Puppies at Denny’s because I put him at 1.
This is just my opinion. I love 90% of the guys in this league and the last thing I want is for people to take me seriously and argue with me. Last thing, I forgot to explain my team name. And I feel like a technology god when I embed videos.