Why I Hate Oregon and You Should Too

It’s Oregon week. And if you follow me on twitter or are around me for more than 25 seconds during football season, you probably know that I absolutely despise the University of Oregon. I have various ways of displaying my hatred. Some of my favorites are calling them “Whoregon”, 0regon, Zeros, saying the gates of hell open up in Eugene, etc. But from their affiliation with Nike that basically sponsors Oregon’s recruiting process to their asshole coach to their even bigger asshole fans, I hate it all.

The worst of it all is that UW fans have to face facts about Oregon. Oregon has won the last 7 meetings against UW since 2004 by 25 points or more. It is a sobering fact, but it can be countered. I hate living in the past but the overall series between the two teams leans in UW’s favor at 57-40-5 all time. Also, Oregon’s last Rose Bowl victory came in 1917 and since then have lost all four of their appearances in The Granddaddy of Them All (since 1960 UW has 7 Rose Bowl titles). Now you will not hear any idiotic argument on my part that UW is a better program than Oregon is right now, but my argument from here on out will be a case by case display of why I despise the community college down in Eugene.

1. Their Fan base-
I have never been to Autzen to see the extent of the douchebaggery coming from Oregon faithful towards visiting fans, but I have heard several horror stories. Michael Stanton has one that he will share later in this article. Ziploc bags full of urine being thrown at fans and players is a theme in Eugene, in addition to foul language and despicable behavior. This is the same fan base that once hit the late John Wooden with a half eaten apple during a basketball game. Even Chip Kelly knows what’s up.

2. Their Coach
The aforementioned Chip Kelly is a prick. Not as bad as Jim Harbaugh is, but damn close. He consistently gives brief answers to reporters just trying to do their job. I’ve always thought the halftime interview to be about as useful as the spork, but Kelly makes the reporters that ask him questions look dumb as they have to adjust to his antics. Also, this gives me a chance to show this.

3. The Uniforms
Not so much the aesthetic appeal of them, but the driving force behind them makes me cringe. Nike founder Phil Knight is an alumni (big whoop) of U of 0, and thus gives Oregon a whole bunch of new swag all the time. The jerseys themselves actually look pretty clean by my standards, but the idea that a programs affiliation with Nike can get them new stuff to the point where recruits are swayed is what I don’t appreciate. Also, they occasionally wear stupid stuff.

Mmm, urine color

But I have to say, these are my favorite Oregon jerseys. The 1917 team had the illest threads.

4. This Assclown

I used to like Donald Duck

5. Robo Duck

6. Crime, crime, and more crime
I realize that throughout the years, UW hasn’t run the cleanest ship in town with shady things happening in the early 90’s and 2000’s for the UW football program, but what Oregon is doing now is arguably worse. Cliff “We Smoked It All” Harris getting racks on racks of traffic citations doesn’t seem to bother anyone in Eugene. As long as you keep winning, no one cares how many thugs you have on the team. Just ask Uncle Chip.

I won’t post the video but look up “Cliff Harris traffic stop” on youtube and you will see everything you need to know.

7. This

It is hard to pinpoint everything there is to hate about Oregon, because I hate everything about Oregon. Beating them this Saturday would be a momentous occasion and a rightful turning of the guard towards a new elite team in the Northwest. So I will leave you with this video, which sums up Oregon better than I ever could, ignore the “arrogant Huskies” quote.

Why I’d rather have a root canal than go back to Eugene

As Brandon mentioned earlier, I have unfortunately been to this God forsaken part of the country. Back in my younger years, my family and our usual tailgating crew would travel down I-5 every year to attend the away game that was either at Oregon State or Oregon. Talk about a big difference between the two. OSU fans were courteous and welcoming.  We never had an issue during the game while decked from head to toe in Husky garb. And I can’t forget to mention the awesome International House of Pancakes and Marie Callender’s where we even knew the owners having been there so often. In other words, they’re human in Corvallis. If you drive 45 mins south, or 15 if you’re riding with Cliff Harris, you will pull into the town of Eugene, home of the most asshats in America. Population: Phil Knight and his minions.

Let me set the scene for you. I’m between the ages of 2 to 8 when we used to go on these trips. Yes, we stopped going down there after awhile. Do you want to know why? Now many of you have probably been to a sporting event and seen opposing fans talking trash to one another…Have you ever seen a grown man talk smack to a 4-year old? Didn’t think so. Have you ever seen an opposing fan spit on a 6-year old? Didn’t think so. Have you ever seen a drunk ass adult full on moon a 8-year old? Probably not (Although now it is somewhat comical, at the time it was horrifying). If all of that wasn’t enough, one year we returned to our car to find all four tires slashed, all because of the state of washington plates.

Hopefully if you have any decency or sense, you can figure out that people down there are the scum of the Pac-10, or 12, or whatever it’s going to be next week. It is almost unanimously voted the worst place for opposing fans in the conference by various surveys done over the years. Why can’t they all just grow up? What’s even worse is that it’s always been that way, even when they were awful for all those years. Hell, they worshipped Kenny Wheaton for a decade after that 1994 game. It was bigger than sliced bread, although they might not have discovered that yet down there.

Moral of the story, Oregon will forever be my Red Sox to the Yankees. My Michigan to THE Ohio St. My Montague to Capulet (Yes, that is the first Shakespeare reference on SS&O). I will always hate them to the ends of the earth, but not in the despicable way they treat the Huskies. So, if I see you wearing Oregon clothes don’t be surprised if I don’t talk to you. You were too blind to realize how terrible of a fan base you’re a part of (or just blind from the vast amounts of neon draped across you). But hey, at least I won’t spit on you or slash your tires! We take a more civilized approach…Saturday, November 5th, 2011, will be the best day or worst day of my year. There’s no in-between. Hopefully by the end of the game I’ll be jumping on that big W for one last time in old Husky Stadium as the Dawgs knock off the ALWAYS inferior Quacks of Oregon. Crazier things have happened!

I would be ashamed if this was my mascot.

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3 thoughts on “Why I Hate Oregon and You Should Too

  1. Pingback: Top 11: UW Basketball Players of Romar Era | Seattle Sports & Otherwise

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