Welcome boys and girls to the first non-UW recruiting related article we’ve posted in what seems like decades. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but there are other things going on in the world of sports. For example, the Motherloving Super Bowl. And with the intrigue that this year’s edition is causing, I thought a breakdown of the game was necessary and at the end a stone cold, lead pipe lock prediction of the game. Without further adieu…
In this corner, the favorite, wearing silver trunks, from Foxboro, Massachusetts, the New England Patriots. And in this other corner over here, the contender, wearing also silver trunks, from East Rutherford, New Jersey, the New York Giants. Which reminds me how dumb it is to say New York but play in New Jersey. That is like saying you are from “The 206” when you live in Issaquah. On that basis alone the Patriots should be handed this game. Call it the “Identity Crisis Clause” and conclude the game after the coinflip, enraging advertisers who spend billions of dollars for what amounts to a meaningless contribution to my life. I remember approximately two commercials a year. This was my jam last year.
And I will anxiously await it to be dethroned this year. But back to the game. For some reason I think this is the most excited I have been for a Super Bowl since 2006 when the Hawks played Bill Leavy. Super Bowl XL sucked an XL fat one because of that. But again, back to the game. The Pats and Giants obviously have some history on account of they played in Super Bowl XLII, where the G-Men (always thought that was kind of sally) beat the then undefeated Patriots 17-14. I was a sad boy that day as I was in line to win a lot of cash if the Patriots could have covered the 14.5 point spread that day. Speaking of cash, more like, Straight Cash Homey, one of my favorite players of all time, Randy Moss, played in that game. And again, back to the game.
The Giants remind me a lot of the Packers team last year. A team that snuck into the playoffs and played great defense with an explosive offense and wind up in a Super Bowl. But let’s get things straight, Eli Manning is not Aaron Rodgers, but I think this Giant’s defense is damn good and the running game, led by Diamond Dozen Champion Ahmad Bradshaw, is a strong compliment to the Giants passing game. Which reminds me, where the hell did Victor Cruz come from? This guy balled out at UMass, goes undrafted, and his first season where he accumulates stats he goes for a pedestrian 1,536 yards. By the way, he didn’t even go over 2,000 yards receiving his entire career at UMass. Props to him. But the real props goes to guys who go to real colleges, and Hakeem Nicks certainly did. And he is a grown man. I saw him make this catch live and knew that he would tear the NFL up and he has certainly doing that. He has 18 catches for a playoffs-high 335 yards and 4 TD’s in the postseason and has become a problem that the Patriot’s much maligned secondary has to deal with. Also, how anyone could line up opposite Justin Tuck and his facemask is beyond me. If you know what I’m talking about, you know what I’m talking about.
The Giant’s D-Line may be the most fun unit to watch during this game, because Tuck and Jason Pierre-Paul and his whirlwind dance are absolute monsters.
My analysis of the Patriots is going to be a lot of man-crush related praise for Tom Brady. Sorry bout it. But how can you not love Tom Brady? He is an NFL quarterback, a three time Super Bowl winner, an MVP, a sixth round draft pick, a baby daddy to Bridget Moynahan, and has a kid with Gisele Bündchen. Now my opinion is any woman that has those two dots over the U in her name is worth marrying. But that’s just me. Brady is the every man, and is a blatant prick on the football field and I love that. No homo.
But Tom Brady is also a great quarterback. Great. He had Randy Moss for four seasons in New England but other than that has never had a prime time receiver to throw to, and yet he still puts up numbers and wins games throwing to Wes Welker, Aaron Hernandez, and the Gronk. Gronkowski, along with Stephen Gostkowski (New England kicker) caused my dad to make the announcement during the Denver-New England playoff game that the Patriots lead the league in Polish players. Thank you Pops. But that receiving corps and more importantly how they are used make the Pats tough to stop. With Hernandez as a sort of game breaker, Welker as a move the chains guy and Gronkowski being absolutely unstoppable in the red zone and let’s face it, everywhere else, the Patriots operate in a very controlled yet potent offense.
Defensively, the Patriots have had their struggles. They ranked 31st out of 32 teams in yards allowed during the regular season, yet rank fourth out of twelve playoff teams in that category. To be fair though one of their playoff games was against the Broncos led by the Patron Saint of Turnovers, Tim Tebow. However the point is the Patriots defense is serviceable heading into the biggest game of the season.
The real edge of this game might come down to coaching where Tom Coughlin of the Giants meets the Swag Daddy himself, Bill Belichik. Coughlin foiled Belichik’s high powered offense in Super Bowl XLII, but something tells me Bill was a little too overconfident for that game. Coughlin is also stoked that the game is being played indoors at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, because his face took an absolute beating in the cold of the Green Bay game. Belichik meanwhile will continue to look homeless where ever the game is played. The best thing I have heard this week is Coughlin being compared to one of the Gringot’s Goblins from Harry Potter. Just think about it.
Prediction time. The Pats and Giants are both great offensive teams, with the Giants being the better team on defense with a more game changing pass rush. Early momentum changing sacks from the Giants are key to get Brady out of his comfort zone. The Giants have to control the clock with the running game and then get the ball to Hakeem Nicks. I still don’t think that is enough though, as Tom Brady+Super Bowl games = Clutch. Same can be said about Eli Manning I guess but this is Brady’s thing. Eli will always be a second tier QB, while Tom Brady gets buckets with Al Harrington. It is that simple. That’s why I have to go with the Patriots. Plus I bet 5 bucks on them to cover the 3 point spread with guest writer Sean Carr. Granted 5 bucks to him is like half a penny and a Jamarcus Russell rookie card to me but that is beside the point. Anyways, I am calling it Patriots 31, Giants 27. Sorry Pat O’Neill.