The Diamond Dozen Midseason Report

For any of you that would consider me a sports expert or at least well versed in the dynamics of sports, reading this and comparing it to this article will put doubts in your mind. This league has been nuts so far. My predicted order of finish for this league was:

12. Casino Squad
11. Dickson Slayers
10. Yellow Fever
9. Wong Dynasty
8. Akshaya
7. He Hate Me
6. Shoe In (Now named Grizzly Straight)
5. Bush’s Other Son (now named Irrelevant Relevance) (Which is just as stupid as the first name)
4. Team Takeoff
3. Team Hatcher
2. The Lew Crew
1. Straight Cash Homie

Let’s look at the actual standings so far through 7 weeks.

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The New NFL Experience: The RedZone Channel

For some, the NFL is about loyalty to a certain team, a certain city, and tradition. Those that want only to see their favorite team and nothing else. Others have a much more widened scope of the National Football League, preferring to take in the entirety of what happens on Sundays. But with the limited amount of games available on cable, it is difficult to keep track of all the games that are going on from 10AM to 4:30PM. Or it was difficult.

NFL Network’s “RedZone Channel” is a vessel for the matrix of games going each Sunday for 17 weeks in the fall. A seven hour program that runs from the first kickoff at 10AM PST to the final whistle of the afternoon games, RedZone gives the viewer every touchdown from every game. Live look ins are given to any game that currently has a team in the Red Zone (20 yard line or closer) to assure the viewer maximum highlight viewing. But what if two games are in the Red Zone at the same time? No problem. It happens a lot and RedZone has it covered. In steps the fan-favorite “Double Box” to handle two games in the Red Zone. But the “Triple Box” and even the “Quadruple Box”  are weapons in the RedZone Channel’s arsenal. Showing four games with scoring opportunities at the same time. The best part? NFL RedZone Channel is commercial-free. Literally seven hours of uninterrupted NFL coverage is available with this channel. On more than several occasions, I have sat on my waterbed and watched all seven hours of RedZone while pretending to do homework because it is like crack or looking at Katy Perry; very addicting.

And while I am sure this god amongst channels sounds amazing already, it is not just an automated system designed to show you NFL highlights. It has a human element led by host-extraordinaire, Scott Hanson. Hanson has been a reporter for NFL Network since 2006 but took the job as host of the RedZone Channel when it debuted in 2009. Hanson does a tremendous job of tying all the action together. Seamlessly transitioning from a Darren McFadden touchdown in Oakland to a game changing pick-six that just happened in San Diego. There is no script for Hanson, his only requirement being to relay the live action to the viewer for seven straight hours without a hitch every Sunday to millions of viewers. Hanson was kind enough to respond to our inquiry on twitter for a question about RedZone’s impact on the NFL. He had this to say:

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The Diamond Dozen Draft Report

Yes, another fantasy football draft report. I am in a total of five leagues but the two I will write reports on are the ones that I am in with my lovely co-writer Michael Stanton. This particular league is one that started last year with nine senior guys and Dathan Wong. I happened to win this league for reasons that relate to me being a god. My team name last year was the Diamond Dawgs and therefore I have christened the league, The Diamond Dozen. This season we lost two members from the previous season but gained four more bringing us up to a 12 team league, hence “Dozen”. The cast of clowns that are in the league are as follows.

Dickson Slayers-Jeff Helling
Team Takeoff-Jordan Coutts
Team Hatcher*-Michael Hatcher
Straight Cash Homie-Myself
Shoe In-Famous Skyline Baseball Player, Nate Litka
Bush’s Other Son-Caleb Clearman
The Wrong Dynasty-Dathan Wong
Lew Crew-Famous Skyline Basketball Player, JT Lew
He Hate Me- Michael Stanton
Akshaya-Dixon Liang
Casino Squad-Will Han
Yellow Fever-Andrew Yoon
* Indicates Best Team Name

I’ll give you a little history lesson on each of the members’ time in The Skyline League last season. I won the league riding Jamaal Charles, Ray Rice, Roddy White, and whichever QB was starting that week for the Detroit Lions. Truly a magical display of fantasy football ability and I have sold the rights of the story to Disney. Orlando Bloom is playing me in the movie.  Continue reading

League of Ordinary Gentleman Draft Report

First of all, I would like to dedicate this post to my best friend in the entire world, Barry MollyWhompin Davis.

The above is the furthest thing from the truth and the rest of this post will explain why. Welcome to the post-draft report of The League of Ordinary Gentlemen, otherwise known as my co-author’s fantasy league. It’s not my favorite league because its not PPR (You down with PPR?) but it has some good guys in it so I help the cause and gave my 20 bucks to play in it this year. The team names are as follows; Corn on the Schaub (Stanton), CAN’T WAIT (myself), Locked Out (Patrick O’Neill), Mc Seahawks?!!? (CJ Bollinger), Team Allan Quartermain (Caleb Hupp), Runnin’ Train (Tyler Propst), Mac and Steez (Michael “Omegle” Hatcher), Team Mezs (Michael Mezs), Team FBGM (Dennis Leigh), and finally Team PoopMouth…I mean Team MollyWhompin (Barry Davis). A cast of characters better than the one Martin Scorsese put together in The Departed.

This post will break down the major highlights of the draft, and a quick ranking of the teams in the league. 1 being the favorite to win it all, 10 being Barry Davis’ team. Boom.

The draft kicked off at 5:30 PM sharp and I pulled up to my laptop with a Mikes Hard in hand, with myself at the 8th pick, I was hoping the 7 idiots in front of me would mess up and I could end up with Jamaal Charles. Stanton picked Adrian Peterson #1 overall and all was going well for me to get Charles until Mac and Steez stepped up to the plate at pick 7. At this time the ESPN draft chat box was going full force, and I had an “I JUST WON THE LEAGUE YOU BUNCH OF TRICKS!” message all cued up and ready to go, assuming Mac and Steez would leave Charles untouched. Instead, and what would be a recurring theme, Hatcher stole him from my grasp. So instead of the above message, an expletive laced tirade was launched into our draft chat box. I ended up with Ray Rice, a guy I really like especially with Willis McStealPoints gone from Baltimore. But he’s no Jamaal Charles.

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You down with PPR? Yeah you know me.

I hope all of you got the Naughty by Nature joke in the title. If not, your old school hip hop game needs work. We are about three weeks away from the start of the NFL season and for me, that has everything to do with fantasy football and much less to do with how the NFC West will shake out or just how many times we will ask, “Wait, Kelly Jennings is still alive?” this season for the Seahawks.

He's like Oscar the Grouch level of garbage

Fantasy football is something very near and dear to my heart, like Katy Perry or my 10th grade health teacher. God bless Ms. Buehler. I have been playing fantasy football since I was in the fifth grade. My brother who is ten years older than myself got me into it and I have been hooked ever since. I have won my brother’s league twice, amassing over 3,000 US dollars in earnings from that league ever since owning my own team when I was 12. I am also the commissioner in two more leagues and participate in my co-author’s league as well. But I don’t like that league as much, and I will explain why in this post. Every league that I play in except for his uses what is called a PPR scoring system. PPR stands for Points Per Reception. Normally, a fantasy football league uses what is called a standard scoring system. Points are awarded for the following statistical benchmarks:

1 point per 10 yards rushing/receiving and 6 points for a rushing or receiving touchdown.

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